Why "Superwoman" Isn’t Real - And That’s a Good Thing
At some point in life, most women feel the pressure to "have it all together." Whether it’s juggling careers, family, relationships, or personal goals, we often believe we must meet an impossible standard. The truth is, "Superwoman" isn’t real, and embracing this truth can be the key to building a more fulfilling, authentic life.
This blog takes you through lessons learned in my 40s, a decade where I reclaimed my life by letting go of societal expectations and becoming my own best friend. Here’s how you can start this journey, with practical tips to help you embrace who you truly are.
The Turning Point: Learning to Listen to Yourself
In my 40s, I made major life changes: quitting smoking, taking up running, ending a long-term relationship, and transitioning to a career as a life coach. Each step was terrifying but transformative. What I learned is that courage isn’t about fearlessness. It’s about feeling the fear and doing it anyway.
Around ten years ago I discovered a profound tool called The Model. Taught to me by it’s creator, the woman who eventually trained me to be a coach, Brooke Castillo, I began to practice it regularly. Using it has had a major impact on my life…
The Model teaches us that everything in life falls into one of five categories
1. Circumstance – The neutral fact of the situation.
2. Thought – The story your brain is telling you about the circumstance.
3. Feeling – The emotion that arises from your thought.
4. Action – What you do (or don’t do) as a result of this feeling.
5. Result – The outcome you create through your actions.
Journaling daily achievements helps reframe your self-talk and focus on progress.
Exercise: Rewriting Your Inner Script Using the Model Tool
Take a moment to observe your thoughts and identify the ones that aren’t serving you. Using The Model, break down your thoughts into the following components:
Step 1: Identify the Thought
Write down the unhelpful thoughts your mind offers, such as “I’m not doing enough” or “I’m failing.”
Step 2: Notice the Impact
Explore how these thoughts create your feelings, drive your actions, and ultimately, produce the results of your life. For example:
• Circumstance: I have unfinished tasks.
• Thought: “I’m falling behind.”
• Feeling: Overwhelmed.
• Action: Procrastinate / rush through tasks.
• Result: I don’t get tasks done to the time and standard I want. I create more evidence to support the thought that I’m falling behind.
Notice that the thought is optional. We can gently and curiously question the thought. Am I really falling behind? Who set the timeline for when I have to complete these tasks?
Step 3: Rewrite the Thought
Now, consciously choose a new thought that aligns with your goals and supports you. Consider what’s already true and empowering. For instance:
• Circumstance: I have unfinished tasks.
• New Thought: “I’m going to complete these tasks no matter what.”
• Feeling: determined.
• Action: put dates on the calendar / honour the calendar / allow myself to feel uncomfortable when it’s time to do the things on the calendar / stay consistent / have my own back
• Result: I complete the tasks.
Step 4: Reinforce the New Thought
Write down your new thought and read it daily. Over time, this intentional practice will help shift your mindset and create different results in your life. By applying the Model in this way, you take control of your inner dialogue and reshape your thinking patterns in a way that supports your goals and well-being.
Courage and Decision-Making: The Keys to Transformation
Many women (and men) spend years in indecision, draining mental energy and staying stuck. The truth is, decisions don’t have to take a long time. They happen in an instant and committing to them frees up the energy required to take meaningful action.
Ask yourself:
What decision have I been putting off?
What’s the first small action I can take to move forward today?
Planning your life around natural rhythms helps align energy and productivity.
Embracing Your Natural Rhythms
One of the most liberating lessons I’ve learned is to work with my body, not against it. As women, we have incredible internal cycles whether tied to our menstrual cycle or the moon. Instead of pushing ourselves when energy is low, we can align our lives with these natural ebbs and flows.
Practical Tip: Plan Around Your Cycle
If you menstruate:
Winter (bleeding): Rest and reflect.
Spring (post-period): Brainstorm and start projects.
Summer (ovulation): Focus on social interactions and big tasks.
Autumn (pre-period): Wrap up projects and make detailed plans.
If you don’t menstruate, sync with the moon:
New Moon: Rest and reflect.
Waxing Moon: Begin projects.
Full Moon: Focus on connection and action.
Waning Moon: Wind down and prepare for the next cycle.
Becoming Your Own Best Friend
One of the biggest shifts I made was learning to treat myself with the same levels of kindness and care I’d show a close friend. This means recognising that I’m not "broken" for feeling overwhelmed or uncertain and anxious; it’s a natural part of life.
Exercise: Daily Achievements Journal
Each evening, write down three things you’re proud of that day. They don’t have to be monumental; preparing a healthy meal or setting boundaries counts. When I first started this exercise over ten years ago when my anxiety was crushing, some days getting up and out of bed was a win. Over time, this practice rewires our brain to focus on our accomplishments rather than shortcomings.
The 40s and beyond can be a time of renewed confidence, wisdom, and connection.
Embracing Your 40s and Beyond: The Second Spring
In East Asia, menopause is called the "second spring," a time of renewal and growth. Instead of dreading this phase, embrace it as an opportunity to reconnect with yourself. Your 40s can be the best decade of your life, not because of external achievements, but because you’ve gained the wisdom and confidence to live authentically. This is a practice that takes effort, but the rewards are oh so worth it.
Call to Action: Download Your Free Guide
Ready to start your journey toward becoming your own best friend? Download my free guide, How to Be Your Own Best Friend, and learn practical tools to build self-trust, navigate life’s challenges, and create a life that truly fulfills you.
This blog is based on a podcast I was a guest on. You can listen to the full episode here