From Rejection to Love: How Creating Safety Transforms Your Relationships

From Rejection to Love: Creating Emotional Safety in Your Life.

Rejection hurts, and its sting often feels deeply personal. However, in many cases, the pain we feel is shaped more by the story we tell ourselves than by the actions of others. A recent coaching session with a client illustrated a powerful way to overcome this pattern—by creating safety, first for others, then for ourselves.  

In this session, the client shared a win involving her son. He had been anxious about attending a school trip, worried that his needs for rest breaks wouldn’t be met. Instead of dismissing his concerns or demanding compliance, she chose to validate his emotions. She told him it was good to recognise his feelings and needs and encouraged him to share his worries with the school. This simple act of acknowledgment created a safe space for her son. With her support, he advocated for himself, participated in the trip, and had an incredible experience.  

It didn’t end there. The school even emailed to say how much of a credit her son had been—asking thoughtful questions, engaging fully, and impressing everyone with his participation. He came home glowing with pride, and she felt it too. By creating safety for him, she unlocked his potential to thrive. 

This story holds an important lesson: when we create safety for ourselves, we open the door to transformation. 

Creating safety for others, like a child, begins with acknowledgment and compassion.

Why Rejection Feels So Painful—and How to Heal

The same client reflected on her own struggles with rejection, especially in her relationship with her partner. She realised that while her son’s fear of rejection was rooted in a tangible concern, her feelings often stemmed from old patterns and unprocessed emotions. She shared how seemingly minor disagreements with her partner could trigger deep pain and defensiveness.  

One recent argument started when her partner seemed annoyed after a miscommunication about their morning plans. Though the disagreement was about a small issue, she interpreted his reaction as evidence that she had done something wrong. That thought—“I’ve done something wrong”—led to feelings of rejection and self-defence.  

Instead of staying present with herself, she would react, saying things like, “You’re so moody,” or walking away to create distance. This cycle left both of them feeling misunderstood and disconnected.  

However, during her weekly coaching session, she began to see that the pain wasn’t coming from what her partner said or did, the circumstances, but from her own thoughts about them. She learned to pause, question the story she was telling herself, and focus on creating safety within her own mind. 

The Power of Acknowledging Emotions to Create Safety

Just as she acknowledged her son’s feelings without judgement, she learned to acknowledge her own emotions. As her coach I guided her to practise self-compassion by recognising:  

1. The root of her feelings: Many of her reactions were tied to past experiences of genuine rejection. By understanding this, she could separate the past from the present.  

2. Her partner’s perspective: He wasn’t upset at her; he was managing his own thoughts and emotions, unrelated to her.  

3. Her power to create safety: She realised that she could soothe herself in these moments by returning to thoughts that felt better, such as, *This isn’t about me*, or *He is in pain; I can offer him love instead of reacting.*  

By creating safety for herself, she noticed that she could also return to love—for herself and for her partner. 

Practical Steps to Build Emotional Safety for Yourself

Creating safety isn’t about avoiding pain or difficult emotions—it’s about staying present with yourself in those moments. Here are steps inspired by the client’s journey:  

1. Acknowledge Your Feelings- The first step is to recognize your emotions without judgement. If you feel hurt, defensive, or rejected, pause and name what you’re experiencing. For example, “I feel rejected because I’m thinking the thought ‘I’ve done something wrong’.”  

2. Challenge the Story - Ask yourself: Is this thought true? Could there be another explanation? In the client’s case, she began to see that her partners moods were more about his own struggles than anything she had done.  

3. Reframe the Situation - Use The Model to help you choose a thought that feels better but is still believable. Instead of thinking, “I’ve done something wrong,* try, *He is having a hard moment, and I can support him.* Or, *This isn’t about me; I am safe.*  

4. Practice Self-Compassion - Imagine yourself as a younger version of you—the one who might have genuinely experienced rejection in the past. What would you say to her? How would you comfort her? The client found power in saying, “I’ve got you. You’re safe now.”  

5. Return to Love - When you feel safe, it becomes easier to return to love. Love for yourself, love for others, and love for the moment you’re in. 

Journaling helps you acknowledge your strengths and shift your perspective.

Journal Exercise: Discover What You’re Doing Right

One of the most effective ways to create safety is by acknowledging what you’ve done well. Often, our brains are wired to focus on mistakes or what’s wrong, but consciously shifting to *what’s right* builds trust in ourselves.  

Grab your journal and answer this question:  How could it be true that I did something right?

Consider three areas of your life:  

1. Personal growth: What have you done recently to care for your well-being or pursue your goals?  

2. Relationships: How have you shown kindness, love, or understanding to someone else?  

3. Challenges: In a tough situation, what did you handle well, even if it didn’t go perfectly?  

Write freely, and notice how this exercise shifts your perspective. 

Returning to love strengthens your bond with yourself and others.

Why Safety Matters  

Safety is the foundation for connection—whether it’s with your child, your partner, or yourself. When we feel safe, we can acknowledge emotions, explore solutions, and show up with love instead of fear.  

For the client, this shift allowed her to create a more harmonious relationship with her partner. By returning to thoughts like, *This isn’t about me,* she could avoid defensiveness and instead bring compassion to their interactions.  

For her son, creating safety empowered him to embrace new experiences and build confidence.  

For herself, it meant reconnecting with her own worth and finding pride in her ability to navigate life’s challenges.  

Sign Up for Your Free Guide: Three Simple Steps to Becoming Your Own Best Friend

If you’re ready to create this kind of safety in your own life and transform how you see yourself, start by building a better relationship with yourself.  

Sign up for my free guide: *Three Simple Steps to Becoming Your Own Best Friend*

This practical guide will show you how to:  

- Acknowledge your emotions without judgement.  

- Replace self-criticism with self-compassion.  

- Build trust in yourself so you can navigate life with confidence.  

[Click here to get your free guide and start your journey today!] 

Creating safety for yourself isn’t just about feeling better in the moment—it’s about unlocking your potential to love and thrive in every area of your life. You’ve got this!