Rediscovering Your Energy: A Mid-Life Woman's Guide to Self-Care and Authentic Living
As a life coach for mid-life women, I've seen firsthand the transformative power of intentional self-care and the impact of letting go of habits that no longer serve us. Today, I want to share my personal journey and offer insights that might resonate with you, my fellow professional mothers navigating the complexities of life in your 40s and beyond.
Running a Tight Ship: My Self-Care Revolution
Eleven years ago, I made a decision that would change the course of my life: I quit smoking. Two years later, I took another significant step and gave up drinking. These weren't easy choices, but they were necessary. Why? Because I realized that neither cigarettes nor alcohol were adding value to my life. In fact, they were doing quite the opposite.
The Energy Drain
Think back to your last hangover. Remember that feeling of dehydration, nausea, and general malaise? Now, couple that with the mental anguish – the shame spirals and self-criticism that often follow a night of overindulgence. Sound familiar?
This was my reality for years. Most weekend mornings, I'd wake up feeling physically ill and emotionally drained. The internal self-attack that followed was often worse than the physical symptoms. It was a cycle that was slowly but surely eroding my quality of life.
The Energy Equation: 'Thing' + After Effects
I invite you to take a moment and reflect on your own life. Is there anything that's taking energy away from you? To help you identify these energy drains, consider this simple equation: 'thing' + after effects.
For me, it looked like this:
- Wine + hangover horrors and unrelenting self-judgment
- Smoking + shame (at 35, I couldn't run down the street to keep up with my little daughter)
But this equation can apply to various aspects of life. Here are some common examples:
- Debt + agony of broken promises to yourself
- A toxic relationship + knowing you're betraying yourself
- Overindulging in sweets + confusion about why you're not losing weight
- Watching TV all night + feeling empty and exhausted
- Endless social media scrolling + feeling disconnected and lonely
- Compulsive shopping + feeling out of control with stuff and spending
The Overconsumption Trap
It's crucial to understand that these things aren't inherently "bad." The problem arises when we over-consume. What once brought benefits now brings net-negative after effects, draining our valuable energy.
Let that sink in for a moment.
My 15-year-old self felt cool and confident for about ten minutes after smoking her first cigarette. But that fleeting moment of perceived coolness led to 25 years of feeling awful until I finally gave it up.
Compassion for Our Past Selves
Now, at 51, I have compassion for that younger version of myself. I understand that she was using these behaviors to cover up real emotions – like the heartbreak of my parents' divorce. She was over-consuming things that pretended to add value to my life but were actually depleting me.
Does any of this resonate with you? Whether it's a relationship, food choices, substance use, excessive screen time, or staying in a job solely for the money – if you don't feel bright and shiny afterward, it's time to question whether this 'thing' genuinely adds value to your life.
The Place for Negative Emotions
Here's an important side note: Some things add tremendous value to your life AND feel incredibly difficult and painful before, during, and after. Think about training for a marathon, completing a degree, leaving a toxic relationship, grieving the loss of a loved one, or giving birth.
“It’s given me the ability to have the awareness of my brain in everyday situations and not always listen to the first thought that comes into my head. To then know that I have a choice in the moment and I don’t have to believe it; that’s been really mind blowing”
There IS a place for negative emotion in your life. When we lean into negative emotions instead of buffering them away with over-consumption, they move through our bodies without causing harm. Feeling our emotions – our Energy-in-Motion – on purpose actually adds energy and value to our lives.
The Power of Feeling ALL Emotions
When we cover our emotions with things that pretend to make us feel better, energy gets stuck in our bodies and is taken away from our lives. The lives we truly want are fueled by emotions – all of them.
By feeling ALL of your emotions, you add valuable energy to your life. It's about embracing the full spectrum of human experience, not just the pleasant parts.
Moving Forward: Your Energy Audit
As you reflect on this, I encourage you to do an "energy audit" of your life:
1. Identify your energy drains using the 'thing' + after effects equation.
2. Question whether these things genuinely add value to your life.
3. Consider which emotions you might be avoiding through over-consumption.
4. Practice leaning into difficult emotions rather than buffering them.
5. Celebrate the positive changes you make, no matter how small.
Remember, this journey is about progress, not perfection. It's about making conscious choices that align with the life you truly want to live.
As you navigate this path, be kind to yourself. Recognize that change takes time and that every step towards authentic living is a victory. You have the power to reclaim your energy and live a life that truly reflects your values and aspirations.
Here's to your journey of self-discovery, intentional living, and embracing all that life has to offer – both the challenges and the joys. You've got this!
