How to Stop Feeling Stuck and Start Valuing Yourself (Even When Life Feels Overwhelming)

Does this sound familiar?

You wake up already carrying the weight of the day. There’s work to do, people who need you, decisions to make. You tell yourself, Today will be different. I’ll finally get on top of things. I just need to focus.

But then the thoughts creep in:

• I should be able to handle all of this on my own.

• Why can’t I just get it together?

• Everyone else seems to manage. Why am I struggling?

By the afternoon, that low-level stress turns into exhaustion. Instead of tackling the things that would actually make you feel better, you reach for the remote, scroll on your phone, or pour a glass of wine - just to take the edge off.

Before you know it, another day has passed. You go to bed feeling guilty, promising yourself that tomorrow will be different.

This cycle isn’t about laziness. It’s about the brain’s desire to escape discomfort.

But what if I told you that the way out of this loop isn’t about pushing yourself harder or shaming yourself into change but about learning to sit with all of your emotions, even the ones that don’t feel good?

Feeling stuck? It’s not a sign of failure—it’s just your brain’s way of seeking comfort. Here’s how to break the cycle.

Why You Feel Stuck: The Brain Hates Discomfort

Your brain is wired to avoid pain and seek comfort, and use as little energy as possible. This is how it fulfils its main job of keeping you alive.

This is why, when things get hard, your brain offers up thoughts like:

• I should just quit.

• This isn’t working anyway.

• I’ll never get there, so why bother?

The brain isn’t trying to sabotage you. It’s just looking for the quickest way to escape discomfort. And one of the easiest ways to do that is buffering.

What Is Buffering (And Why We Do It)

Buffering is what happens when we use external distractions like food, alcohol, social media, shopping, or Netflix to avoid uncomfortable emotions.

It’s not about the action itself. Watching TV isn’t bad. Enjoying a glass of wine isn’t bad. But if you’re doing these things to escape a feeling like stress, overwhelm, or inadequacy then you’re not actually solving the real problem.

Buffering looks like:
✔ Saying you’re too tired to work on your goals but spending an hour scrolling on your phone.
✔ Promising to set better boundaries, then saying “yes” to things you don’t want to do.
✔ Telling yourself you’ll go to bed early but staying up late binge-watching Netflix.

At first, buffering feels good. It gives temporary relief. But when the numbing wears off, the same problems are still there. The stress, the guilt, the sense of being stuck.

And when you feel stuck, your brain does what it always does: it searches for another escape.

Buffering looks like mindless scrolling, Netflix binges, or another glass of wine—temporary escapes that don’t solve the real problem.

Why Self-Criticism Will Never Get You Unstuck

Most women, when they recognise they’re buffering, immediately shame themselves.

"I’m so undisciplined. I have no willpower. What’s wrong with me?"

But here’s what I want you to know: You cannot shame yourself into change.

Imagine a woman is walking down the street wearing a thick coat. The Wind and the Sun decide to have a contest to see who can get her to take it off.

The Wind goes first. He blows and blows, getting stronger and colder, trying to force the woman to remove her coat. But the harder he blows, the tighter she clings to it.

Then the Sun takes his turn. He shines warmly, gently, without force. Slowly, the woman begins to feel safe. She loosens her grip, opens her coat, and eventually removes it entirely; because she wants to.

Shame and self-criticism are like the Wind. The harder you push yourself, the more resistance you create. You cling even tighter to your habits, your avoidance, your buffering.

But self-compassion? That’s the Sun.

When you give yourself permission to feel all your emotions, without judgment, your brain stops fighting itself.

And this is where real change happens.

Feeling All of Your Emotions - Even the Messy Ones

Most of us were never taught how to sit with discomfort.

Instead, we were taught to:
❌ Push through.
❌ Stay positive.
❌ "Just be grateful."

But ignoring negative emotions doesn’t make them disappear. It just buries them deeper, where they grow into exhaustion, resentment, and burnout.

What if, instead of avoiding discomfort, you invited it in?

In coaching sessions, I describe this to my clients as inviting all parts of ourself to the table.

Imagine a large table with seats for every version of you:

• The confident, capable woman who gets things done.

• The exhausted, overwhelmed version of you who just wants to rest.

• The one who feels guilty, like she’s not doing enough.

Most of us try to shove the "negative" parts of ourselves out of the room. But what if, instead, you made space for them?

What if you said, "I see you. You’re allowed to be here."

Because here’s the truth:
You cannot outrun yourself.
The thoughts will still be there. The feelings will still show up.

But when you stop resisting them and start allowing them, you take back control.

Self-compassion is like the sun—it melts away resistance and opens the path for change. Start treating yourself with kindness today.

A Simple Assignment to Rewire Your Brain

Your brain is constantly scanning for what’s wrong. Remember, its’ job is to keep you alive and so it’s on high alert to keep you safe from danger. This is why change feels so hard. But we can train it to look for what’s working instead.

Here’s how:

Your Daily “What Went Well” List

Each evening, write down three things that went well.

They don’t have to be major accomplishments. Some days, they might look like:
✔ Got out of bed when I wanted to stay under the covers.
✔ Made the bed.
✔ Drank a glass of water.

Eventually the brain will get bored with ‘small’ wins and start looking for bigger ones. Soon, you’ll find yourself stacking habits, feeling more motivated, and naturally wanting to do more.

This is how real change happens, not from self-judgment, but from tiny, daily choices that build momentum.

Small wins matter. Each tiny step forward trains your brain to see progress and build motivation.

You Don’t Have to Do This Alone

Right now, your brain might be trying to convince you that this is just how things are that you’ll always feel stuck, that things will never change.

But that’s just a thought. And thoughts can be changed.

You don’t have to figure this out by yourself.

If you’re ready to stop buffering, stop feeling stuck, and start feeling everything - the joy, the frustration, the wins, the challenges - then let’s talk.

Because you deserve more than just surviving your life. You deserve to live it fully.